He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
