I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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