I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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