I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
