last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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