WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
