when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
