that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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