Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
