You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
