ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
