.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
