I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
