ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
