This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
