Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
