Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
cat food counts as protein by the way
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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