Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
