OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
