people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
