It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
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You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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