I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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