Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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