Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
