i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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