is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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