Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
