It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.