I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
