I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It was confusing and full of hummus
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS