the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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