We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
