haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
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I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker