it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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