my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
