Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
