I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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