Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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