he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
