i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
