Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
