Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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