I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
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I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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