I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
