i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
