youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
