i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
