I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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