I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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