Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She bit a glass in half.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
