why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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