so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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