Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just tell him i said nine months
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
