I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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