You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
