I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
