I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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