I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
