That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Let's get the cat blown out
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
