he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
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I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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