She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
They are going to name an STD after you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
