I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
