For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
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Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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