I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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