I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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