I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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