so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
and you fell through a lawn chair
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
