Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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