It's Friday. Sex?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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