yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
