why didn't you poke me back
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
