People with herpes should wear stickers.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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