Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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