I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
