Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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