so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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