Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
