lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
