it hurts more in the daytime
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
