So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
