currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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